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I have an observation that I want to share. I've come to the conclusion that the some Black men expect far too much from Black women. Far more than what they are willing to give themselves. Again, this is some men, not all. The problem stems from the idea that Black women are expected to fill many roles. We are expected to be a homemaker, breadwinner, lover, and counselor, be mentally advanced, but not so advanced that it makes them uncomfortable. We are also expected to understand their needs and to be able to find an appropriate way of approaching them about it without harming their egos. All in a day's work right?
Well, that depends on the Black man and what he is willing to give. Unfortunately there are some Black men who feel a sense of undeserved entitlement. They feel that they should be able to do minimal and receive the maximum. They do not think that they have to be loyal, work hard in a relationship, give all of themselves to a woman or even share any real emotional connection with her. The kicker to this is while they indulge in the feeling of being entitled they also are subject to the media/slave mentality that convinces them that Black women are subpar. Some of them roll with it and this leads them to compare Black women to women of other races and place those other women on pedestals. When we do not measure up to their ideas of physical beauty or what they perceive a woman of worth should be it only pushes them away more. So not only do they enter into situations with women with unrealistic and sometimes self centered expectations, they also have preconditioned judgments towards Black women versus women of other cultures.
It's a trick. Ideologies like these were put in place to further tear the Black family unit apart. The idea that a man should be able to give when he decides he wants to give but expect that his woman should come to him with an open heart and mind only places more strain between Black men and women. It also is extremely self centered and child like. This unbalanced relationship then causes women to feel unappreciated and thus yearn for reciprocity. When the need for reciprocity is not filled then she becomes confused. Thinking what is it that she is not doing? Why is she not good enough? Finally the ultimate emotions she may feel are anger and resentment. Thinking that what she gave was obviously never good enough as she was never reciprocated and often deemed to be second best. It becomes a vicious cycle for us all.
I do not have the magical answer but this I do know. The first key to possibly solving this would be that the level of self-centeredness from some Black men has to decrease. You cannot expect so much and give very little. Sometimes the egos must be put at bay. Secondly, Black people as a whole allow the media to influence how we interact with each other entirely too much.
We have allowed what they deem to be beautiful and precious to influence how we treat each other and our relationships with one another. Again, this is just my observation about an issue between Black men and women that has been going on long before I was born and at this rate will still exist long after I am gone if we don't get it together.